As is common to all, I often find myself in a situation where I am taking criticism from another. This can be from my boss, from a friend, from a parent, from a coworker, or even from some of my employees and team supervisors. Criticism is a two edged sword. In small doses (i.e. not too often from the same person), and when communicated politely (i.e. without feeling attacked are defended against), it can be very beneficial...to the humble that is.
Humility is very rarely understood. It is often confused with modesty, which is opposed by vanity. Modesty is a possible manifestation of humility, but modest individuals are not always humble. If humility is an iceberg, modesty is its tip. You see, humility is within. This is what makes humility (among so many modes of the within) so difficult to understand and to share.
Simply put, humility is the will to self-doubt. Or more measurably-precisely, to acknowledge and the doubt one's preconceptions/convictions at least as often as one doubts those of others. To doubt others is relatively natural, nothing more than a useful habit. Useful in that we use it to validate or deny ourselves the veracity of another's actions. By means of this habit, we analyse others and learn from their example. To convince ourselves of the veracity of others, we can doubt them "to make sure". If they pass our doubt-test, we absorb their action into a positive belief, i.e. "that seems right to me". If they fail, we absorb what we observe into a negative belief, i.e. "He doesn't know what he is talking about".
Doubting one's own convictions or preconceptions is extremely difficult. I have met many people who have no idea how to do this. To these, it seems completely nonsensical. I can understand that someone who has never done this, and to whom the above is explained and to whom it is communicated (criticized) that "this is possible and even virtuously enviable, etc", will have extreme difficulty in having their ego accept that he or she has for their entire existence omitted to consider such an important deeply profoundly concept within ("Does not compute" lol). How could anyone be expected to accept such a grave omission? They would have to be humble, right? Got to love the classic paradoxe de l'oeuf et de la poule.
To be humble requires a tremendous amount of sustained will. It will never become a habit. The ego is too powerfully integrated into our existence. The ego is necessary, but like all pleasures, its dosage must be regulated by humility.
The next time you are criticized, observe your ego inevitably gain the upper hand on your humility. You can try to resist it, but you will realize that you have good reasons to protect your reputation, it's the natural thing to do. But before you fall asleep, in bed, think about in what your opponent was right. Empathize with him or her. Notice how much easier it is to do this after the fact. You could also wait until the next morning. Sleep and dreams have a habit of cleansing yesterday's emotions. Also take the time to reevaluate your own convictions. Its not wrong to have convictions, but it is important to be able to back them up with rational coherent belief systems of convictions.
This system of conviction is the object of your humility. To be humble is to spend much time reexamining each of its fundamental convictions. Compare them to their opposites. And do everything in your power to rationalize those opposing views; be humble enough to see the truth of that view. See the fallacies of your own. Be mutable and flexible. Be open to change. Be proud (but not too proud) of any changes you were able to make, examine their effects on the rest of your holistic belief system.
Love to progress. Love to be powerful enough to doubt the most fundamental elements of your self. Eventually, you will be able to use your will to balance out your ego during critical conversations. This doesn't mean you need to accept all criticism. At minimum, always keep in mind that you may just be in error. An oracle of Delphi said: "Socrates is the wisest man for he knows that he knows not".
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